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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

.....................

im here todae, feeling different.
not discontented but jux i dunnoe, restless?
had a chat wif Nick n obviously some unhappy things were brought to my attention.
some matter tt has resurfaced.
im used to it alr, but i too know it can't keep going on tt way.

insecurities.
so tts what the heck im driving at.

i dunnoe wat to do. but at the same time i know i won't be able to do what u want me to.
i can never bring myself to do anything tt might make me drift from any of u, n which i know won't do any of us good at the end of the dae.
not the slightest thing lest the things u want me to do.

u understand, but yet u can't control ur emotions.
i understand, but yet i won't help u do what u want me to.
is it me, or is it u?
did i start everything the wrong way, or did u start looking at everything the wrong way?
am i too selfish, or are u too protective?
are we praying, or are we shelving things aside?

there's jux so many things i can't figure out now.
how did a relationship become like this.
is this the jealousy people speak abt?
but it shouldn't be among us.

i think about us walking down the aisle in 6 years time.
wif people we love walking before us.
u thought about us walking down the aisle in 6 years time.
but those people we love walking before us as an obstacle before they make it wif us down the aisle.

at my wits end.

BacK By M3,
Joyce

Joyce at 5/12/2009 01:43:00 AM :: link

Sunday, May 10, 2009

...................

todae i finally found out wat BFF reali stands for.
Best Friends Forever.hahaha.
jux some random ramblings. haha.

i learnt wat tt reali feels like not jux wat it stands for.
i sure am glad we can keep silent without having to fear tt silence.=).

love u kuku Niaima!=D.

anw,i am feeling contented wif life.
although i must admit i sometimes dun feel tt way.
but reflecting tt i hav a God who is up there constantly watching over me, a loving boyfriend, a BFF tt i can always rely on, a family n roof over my head..
reali..i dunnoe wat more i shud be asking. things tt i want to complete my life, all of them are there.

sometimes i think im jux dwelling too much into earthly pleasures and wanting to possess them all.n of cos, i end up being possessed by it.
money, fantastic grades.
things tt i figured i shud reali leave it to Him.

u noe, i was jux thinking abt the other dae when i went walking around wif Nick.
i saw so many things i liked and wanted. but not exactly needed. even if needed, it needn't have to be so expensive.
n i started behaving like a spoilt brat unknowingly.
telling Nick i wanted this n tt, "hinting" to him so-not-discreetly tt he can get me all those things wif his pay which was coming in the following dae.

of cos... he agreed as usual while trying to appear like he's jux gonna consider it.
honestly, i was quite happy knowing tt he's gonna get me all those stuffs.haha.
but when i got hm i started to think abt everything.lk why the heck did i behave lk i did.
so i decided to call off everything i told him i wanted.
n i left myself wif a clear conscience n a peaceful night rest.=).

something jux pricked my conscience n told me tt i should earn for those stuffs myself if i reali wanted it.
it's not an excuse for me tt i can't find a job tts why i shud be spending his money.
yeah, so i was pretty glad tt i did tt.
although i ended up wif a reply,"see how lar". which probably meant he might still get it for me using some other occassions as excuse.
oh well, tts another matter!haha. as long as i noe i did wat i should n i have wats more impt to me, our relationship kept strong.=).

grades..tricky issue.
but learning to leave it all to Him as well.
im jux thankful He's keeping me alive n well semester after semester.
like everyone always say to me," Do Your Best & Leave The Rest to Him!"

yeah.alrite its getting late, im gonna try to slp now.
tata!

BacK By M3,
Joyce

Joyce at 5/10/2009 02:56:00 AM :: link