..................

had a good sleep last nite.
trying to enjoy my dae.
but not working of cos=o\.

big problem in head.
fridae seemed to hav turned out as a pathetic dae.
or a horrifying dae for others who felt im in some kinda blue dae.
haha?

seems like i havent changed for many.
n i dunnoe whether to laugh or cry abt their kinda thoughts.
laugh it off as in they r in their world or cry tt im stagnated at where i was 4 years ago.
4 yrs ago,i was still a immature kid.who vented her frustrations on anyone who got into her way.
had constant bad temper,mood swings,pms.
someone whos realli bad at handling mood n emotions.when to let it go, how to let it go.

when finally some thought ive grown up,others jux had to put me down.
jux becos of who i am...a human.
maybe tts becos God created everyone to be different in their opinions n views.
when i got angry,immediately i get the response im pmsing,mood swinging etc.
should i be showing im not angry when im angry now?
tt would obviously turn Joyce into a weird freak wif a non human feelings isn't it?
Joyce would be controlled by the people around her n not by herself anymore.

a good friend who turned into my greatest protestor against me.
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insecurity?hahahahaha.
i am ur scapegoat for tt reason.anytime u may want to skin me alive n destroy me from Earth.
but at sometimes u are still by me.
how often is tt now?

the one and only reason im still half alive is becos of someone else,a friend i found.
the reasons im only half alive is because of you and others close wif you.
somethings are just constantly changing because of our attitudes towards each other.
sometimes we try to be funny but it just ain't working as it used to.
you see it?
i do.

sometimes i can't take it lying down.ever since i found im ur scapegoat for tt reason.
so many years as friends and i find it hard to withstand it.
with so many constant squabbles,differences we have.
how long is this gonna hold on till...u have someone i don't.
u have someone to lean on.i don't.
u can hold on to him when ur down.. i don't.
i can't hold out anymore.
i only have one on my side.

my trusted friends have flocked to you.
leaving me in agony,disappointment,anger.
i no longer trust them with my heart.
they have turned into an alliance against me in my heart.
but i find it hard to put u into the alliance in my heart.
because you still remain in my circle of trusted friends.


BacK By M3,
Joyce

Joyce at 3/15/2005 04:01:00 PM :: link

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