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|mpress|ons of An Express|on

Saturday, June 28, 2003

decided to delete my previous post!

Joyce at 6/28/2003 04:28:00 PM :: link

............

Ya...maddie I'm here now haha...You want me to say here rite;o)......ya people I've gotta say this...Maddie is smart nothing can actually hide from her...=(..........

Yesterday was the day i experienced most sadness and tears....

You will feel HURT, when the person you Love tearz.
You will feel HAPPY, when the person you Love smilez and laughz.
You Will feel SAD, when the person you Love is hurt.

When the person you Love tearz,I tearz...

For [IT]
[ I did not mean any harm for watever i've said... I am not proud of myself though otherz are proud of me for wat I have done...
becoz I've caused your tearz... but I believe in myself that I will change...:o) I will not be like before, I will not be what otherz think that is a "bad me"... I've stepped out that world which you told me...but people blame me,becoz I'm jux like a child who has stepped into a newborn world, knowing not what is right or wrong... I want our Friendship... I really took up courage to have told You everything, though i hesitated i still did it... I might stop whatever i do not want but definitely outcome would be a temporary case... I won't ruin your future but even if you do not do anything,it will not ruin your future...ok?... becoz I will stop myself at all cost even if it is temporary... coz...like you said this is my problem not yourz...]



Maddie... you are smart to have known wateva you know now... seriously and frankly speaking...=) and dun "resurrect" from your bed anymore haha...your sista mite step into heaven anytime if you continue to "resurrect"...heehee... dun be puzzled...
kzai!


Love,
Joyce

Joyce at 6/28/2003 04:10:00 PM :: link

Friday, June 27, 2003

...................

hai...I'm getting a little tired over thinking that problem...so I decided to go out and take a breather...I'm gonna start shopping for wateva stuffs that i've got to have for my upcoming Sec 3 camp on next week thursday and friday...I'm so tired yesterday with doing all the cheerz in skol...came home in a shacked until cannot shack anymore state,wet shoes[cos it was raining heavily in the morning],and wif wrinkled feets...den went off to bathe, WATCH TV...den went on to eat and WATCH TV heehee...and had my Mummy Val called me up...jux talk lah...coz we veri long neva talk liao oso when c her is like so seldom and every gurls will start crowding her so neva get the chance to talk to her wheneva i c her...=( so gotta talk through Phone;o).....

I don't feel veri enthusiastic over the Sec 3 camp now...coz i got to go and get so many stuffs which I do not have!...so "mah fan"... haha...really lazy pig rite=)... and the whole clazz always so shacked like tt when doing cheers...Instructor also beh tah han i think...but the cheerz are quite "interesting" with all the weird funny actionz...but it requires a lot of memory bytez for me to remember how to do them...I had quite a hard time trying to co ordinate the actions and cheerz together and at the fast rate......but well...come to think of all the hard work and effort put in to do the camp stuffs...I would sometimez jux feel like going... very contradictive rite?...heehee...tts me...=)......

Talking to Mummy Val relievez my stresses and troublez always...jux like talking to Julie... The 2 of them is always veri straight to the point when talking...I like talking to them... they do not really beat around the bush but instead I'm always beating around the bush because as u noe my house is veri noisy one loh...and Walls have ears...so i ahve to beat around the bush hoping that they will get to what I'm trying to say......but talking to them is veri fun loh...they can mean serious stuffs but later on they really relax after talking serious stuffz...interesting huh?;o)......which means the difference btwn talking to the 2 of them and talking to otherz is...they go straight to the point,their talking stylez really veri "entertaining","interesting" and very to the likings of mine...=) :o).................

anywayz!...I have put on 2 more kg weight...=(...wanna go jian fei liaoz...but i always neva jian fei ji hua cheng gong one loh....forever iz onli when got do sports den cheng gong one...ahahah....so sad...now can't play sports...coz...I dun have the mood....[as usual?].....anyway..I think it's time for me to get ready and get going to meet Julian to go "shopping"......


{Maddie and otherz}.....Plz do not try to put me and Julian together hor!...we are not a couple or what we onli hang out together becoz i can't find anyone else to go wif me...heehee...sound so "evil"....hahahah....OK...n dun hint hint me wif his name Ju.Ju.Ju.Lian...o.o.o.K!...



Sadness In The Heart,
Joyce

Joyce at 6/27/2003 12:26:00 PM :: link

Thursday, June 26, 2003

............

Lately, I've been down wif a lot of rushing here and there...and I'm troubled over some relationship problems which i can't solve cos i noe I suck at solving things....esp relationships....

I dunnoe wat'z troubling over me about relationship but maybe I should say I'm addicted to my old self... so far I've onli told one person and I shall remain kept to that one person...but I can't help it but thinking and troubling over it...even during skol hours and when i was bathing jux now....I'm stuck with this problem... I've been thinking day and nite for the past 3 days...but the more I think about it, the more troubled and moody i get... coz i can't solve it but I can't do anything about it coz it's a special relationship to me......

Maybe I'm forever tied down by my problems...in relationship,in skol and with friendships... I'm very fickle-minded i guess... almost everyone can see that...feeling veri moody now i think anyone who "disturbs" or irritates me now and today will sure die in a horrible,incorrigible and innocent "death"...

i'm in no mood to laugh today when my friends cracked jokes...My smile have been fading subsequently when I think bout the problems...and turned into a frown...and soon my frownz includes with a weird sadness in the heart...


Sadness In The Heart,
Joyce Ruth

Joyce at 6/26/2003 07:42:00 PM :: link

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

..........

alrite here i'm again...oh well i jux woke up form my sleep haha so its very early now[ 5.45a.m]....hahaha...oh yes yesterday was recollection day...

recollection day was ok lah this time not as boring as the usual ones cos we played some searching games n we walked like hell!!....sigh.... Alvin was grumbling at first until we finally reached SK he kept quiet cos he finally got to drink water...heehee....well this time i was not very concerned of whether winning or losing but more of having fun n relax maybe partly becos i felt we wud lose since they hav JB,Maddie,Julie..... so i finally started to bond[hyper] wif everyone for once lah i wud say... usual me is play game very serious one...heehee....we were playing wif echoes when we were on the way back to sfx...n Vanessa picked up this plant n had it in a bottle den later i got no idea y she had to throw it into the river?...haha....n she went crazy after tt she sort of went down to c the flower but realized in the tunnel there were table n blackjack cards...den she went on n told us,"ey! down there got underground activities one leh!"...hahahaha.... den later Vanessa had "caught" a butterfly{small one} on her finger den she wan to take photo but Luke's camera cudn't work n she went haywires screamiiing...but the reason it cudnt take was cos the cam's too close to the object....haha....

when we reached sfx i finally relieved myself haha....i was having stomach-ache heehee.... den later the other group came out from[ where ever they were ].... we really had lots of fun i suppose more den the other group cos we had different objectives wich i dunnoe y cos we tot the objective Julie said was to bond mah...haha....n so we really bond loh...heehee.....

By the way, yesterday Managing Love,Ai Shang Zong Jing Li....was the last episode i wonder if Luke watched not...sigh asked him to watch...haha... it was very loving for once the episode no more arguements....heehee...oh n they FINALLY KISSED....sigh wat the manz...i thought maybe Xingyao wud be so pai seh to kiss wif him in front of the ppl when taking their wedding photos n the friends asked them to kiss....i tink this show is very much attractive to me loh....i get so addicted to her[Xingyao] n him[Xinfu] they so compatible can he tinks wateva she thinks one loh...but oh well its jux a show anw....

and i was telling Luke i think i love lame shows cos im lame....haha....dun u tink so?...i tink its very weird loh for those who liked this Managing Love as i do den u like lame shows heehee...;o).....this show is jux abt Xingyao n Xinfu always quarelling n jealous over some other third party n some misunderstandings....n for me i jux love to c the way they always patch up becos of their understanding...but usually is Xingyao hav problems one loh not Xinfu....so the whole main point for me to watch this is jux becos when u first watch it,the show wud den motivate u to watch the ending n wat happens next after they quarel u will start guessing,"wud they patch up?" or sometimes for me i wud tink,"wud they start kissing?"....cos Lovers kiss r always very much "relieve" for me dun ask y....but when its not true lovers kiss den not nice i wud get angry... the other time the third party Helen who likes Xinfu, kissed him in front of Xingyao.I got so worked up i started cursing her[poor thing]...hahaha... this time is the next third party erm i forgot his name....i will go find out from ppl again heehee....

Lame show?...to Luke i tink he wud say," erm sorry hor i dun watch such crappy shows one loh"...den give me tt kinda dao ppl's look...hahaha.... but anw... I still like the couple n the show...though its lame...but i like....hahahahahha........


Lovey DoveS,
Joyce Ruth

Joyce at 6/25/2003 06:20:00 AM :: link

Monday, June 23, 2003

..............

wahahaz....today i dunnoe y i so sian tts y i keep laughing to myself thinking of last saturday's events...i felt tt was the only time in my life so far i'm so entertained n bushed out at the same time...i dunnoe wat the hell i'm doing lah bt i keep thinking of wat Julie has told me...n i jux keep reflecting n reflecting n reflecting including this very moment now n here in this stinking room of my brothers'.... hai... n she keeps appearing in my mind jux like the way she told me to think about wat she had said...

I'm starting to think whether I really mind wat people say about me. I always get so agitated when peole say I very rash,hot-tempered n mean....i dunnoe whether I am ME but i already noe tt Im hot-tempered rash...but like mean....erm...i dunnoe leh... but i dunnoe y i shud be minding wat people say about me when I myself hav a clear consience.... but den again if i really tink having a clear conscience wud do the "trick" den y m i minding wat others say.....sigh....im confused.... sometimes i think i'm stupid to be minding wat others say or criticize about me but sometimes when i dun mind i wud oso think y m i so stupid to let me criticize me??.........m i insane?... or m i trying to control myself from hitting a wrong move n regret?....sometimes jux taking someone's scolding is enough to make me cry for days...... all the more its gonna be criticism which i can't take it....once i'm being criticize i will come back to my old self which means i hav neva changed at all....n all my efforts hav gone down the drain..... sometimes kana suanned by others dun make me feel tt good either but i jux feel as long as they r happy its alrite to take it.....but den i can't get anger get the better of me wat if i allow them to suan me nick me...

so sometimes i get confused wat kinda me shud i b or wat kind of mask m i wearing ???....I can get kinda curious to noe tt sometimes...which means sometimes i dunno which mask to choose to wear.... i tink it's easier for me to choose wat clothes to wear rather than wat mask shud i wear "today"....heehee....Lam3.....heehee...
I get so siao sometimes i dunno wat thehell im doing loh...siao rite hahahahahahhahaha.....

jux now i was toking to Julian...we were toking about nonsense at first den suddenly he asked,"hows ur love life?".... i went into "silent mode"....no idea y but tt was my best reply to him at tt moment....at this moment huh?....eh....i will jux say no idea oso lah....
sometimes not raking things up may be jux letting me off for a moment but when i face it...u will noe it cos my emotions always shows it....[i can't control my expressions well peepz]..... jux like on saturday nite when {j} was sitting sort of in front of me i cudn't help but get angry n started frowning to myself.... n Vanessa passed down a msg to pray for her Dad...i told myself not to pass it down n pray for her dad but den again i thought if i did tt i wudn't be fair to her Dad...like >>gong bao si chou<
I believed i did the rite thing... anw... I've to tell n announce to the whole world now tt i NO LONGER HAV A " LAO PO ".....Julie has turned into MY wei yi[one n Only] Jie liao...so dun sometimes like say i get jealous ok[anyways i do not get jealous].....i dun like vinegar.....=P......heehee....ok bear tt in mind....!!!...


Lovey Dovey!,
Joyce Ruth

Joyce at 6/23/2003 04:47:00 PM :: link

Sunday, June 22, 2003

................

ok.....hihi....i'm kinda aching all over now...after yesterday's "HIGH" mass it was really very HIGH for me n other's esp Julie n Geraldine(Lee)....Gerry keep disturbing me n trick me n in total of 5 times...Julie keep teasing me n we went HIGH singing ZHANG SHAN WEI's Give Me 5 song... we jux couldn't stop teasing each other n i cudn't stop singing the GIve Me 5 song...haha...cos tt is the only song Zhang Shan Wei sings...heehee.....

yesterday was quite fun though there were only me,Ling,Augustine,Alvin,Luke,Alvin,Erica,Andrew who went to the beach... it was very tiring afterall n i told Luke neva ever plan anything else haha but jux kidding lah Luke...heehee...i was on the hot mood den cos we walked form one end of east coast to the other end n was carrying lotsa stuff tt my hand muscles r aching still....haha...oh well Maddie had stomachache so Me n Ling accompanied her back to the starting point haha...on the way back i piggy-backed Ling...n Maddie gave an idea tt Ling pretend she sprained her ankle n she run to Luke Foo n tel them abt it make them panic?...haha.... n the funny part was Ling told me,"I'm trying to cry"...n u noe later she said wat?...she said,"I'm drooling!"...n i started to hyper-ventilate wif her on the way back...n cudn't help it n put her down n hyper-ventilate wah she damn funny loh...hahaha...Luke actually tot it was real tt she sprained her ankle when we cud actually laugh n he cudn't chai chuan...haha....heehee....

oh well the HIGH mass was very boring for me lah was like bed time story like tt...cos i was very tired already after bathing n was feeling sick liao....but jux had to stay awake...sigh....the whole mass wasn't very funny afterall[even if it was funny i oso cudn't laugh so sick to laugh]....hai...n almost dozed off during homily.....sigh after the mass we went for supper n started wif lotsa nonsense wif Julie haha....esp the Give me Five song haha...heehee....but during supper i dint laugh much other than after tt lah...n i really for a moment [during supper] tot i was a LUO HAN siah....i tok to Julie abt so much jokes n she like keep hearing the wrong thing n tok to Ling she oso like tt siah....n i realised LUO HAN CAN'T UNDERSTAND HUMAN LANGUAGE.........heehee....

and after supper we saw Ms Tan,my e n a maths teacher...n i niterupted Julie n her tok...cos i dint realised she was there ahah.....wan dan liao....sure die during skol maybe she mite keep suaning me...?....haiya.....sigh im really feeling very sick now...i dun feel like moving loh...my every single muscles ache like fires of hell...n i keep feeling i wanna vomit kinda thing...sigh...maybe im getting a fever??....but i took my temp jux now...n it was below 36.4 n i took thrice firt was 36.2,36.1.36.3...im cold blooded?.... haha....

Sick,
Joyce

Joyce at 6/22/2003 08:10:00 PM :: link