................
dunnoe why.but keep wanting to listen to Jason Mraz's "You and I Both" this few daes.
since the chalet actually.
went to visit my bro this afternoon.
looks like hes enjoying his stay at the hospital.haha.
i miss my Niaima.
one dae seems so long.
.................
Madde's back.
was totally shocked to see her.hahaha.
almost forgot todae's the 18th Aug.hahaa.
the first ting she did to me was pull my ear.how nice.hahaha.
n i was like wondering,"who the heck dare to pull my ear."hahaha.
cos i tink by far,onli Bianca would dare to do tt to me.haha.
anw,it was nice to see her back after eh..quite a long while.a month or so.
anw,todae's growth was alrite.
dint felt anything veri special abt the way i played.
but there was one particular song tt i liked, n one tt i thought was a bit weird abt the way we played it.
the one i like is called "Come To The Table".
i've always liked tt song.cos it sounds veri familiar when i first heard it.
the one we played which sounded weird was,i dunnoe wat.forgot alr.haha.
i tink cos Gavin played it differently from wat we usually do.so i thought the way i tried to follow him dint gel in veri well.
but overall its fine.i dint say it was bad.jux nothing unusual.
was quite uncomfortable after pnw.cos my stomach was feeling weird.
tink cos wat i ate for dinner's too spicy.hahaha.but i like it.i mean the food.
so couldnt sit still.
anw,so i went Esplanade by myself before i met Bianca after her skol.
a piece of cake.hahaha.
no la.jux kidding.was veri bored throughout the 1 hour journey.
listened to my ipod.walking in the crowds.dun imagine.it bores u out.
walked past New York New York.
wanted to hav dinner there but cos we[Bianca,Travis n I] went Ben n Jerry's first n i dint wanna rush myself so we dint go there la.
dunnoe wats wrong wif me todae.
feels as though i would fire someone's head off.
but i dint at all.
but its jux like, i felt tt if i were to make myself in a rush mode todae, i would get veri pissed off.
no its not pms.tt was over alr.
weird.
dunnoe whether its the weather.its damn hot todae.until i perspired quite a bit.
anw...
i was jux wondering abt some stuffs.
how happy can they be.
i saw a few photos on their display pic n jux wondered.
jux sat there n looked.
how long can they be this happy if they are.
jux tinking.not worried.
honestly, i still feel the same way as i first felt abt the whole matter.
my perception neva did change even though their relationship changed into a different status.
i neva forgot wat Bianca advised me abt.
but maybe i jux neva wanted to try it.
tink i've mentioned abt this before.
but i jux wanna say it all over again.cos i feel like.
tolerating it was not acceptance.
now tt the term is over.i dunnoe whether to be happy or sad.
happy tt i dun hav to tolerate the nonsense anymore, sad tt i dun hav to tolerate it anymore which means i wun see them anymore.
im persistent n stubborn.tt i noe.
but was i wrong to do tt this time?
for 3 months,i neva solved tt question.
tried to but always ended up in tears.
tears tt consisted of so many mixed emotions.
for the fun we had,the trust i had in tt person, hurt by lies, dint understand wats going on at tt time when all these happened.
but im not crying this time round.
choosing a path knowing it to be wrong, knowing it would disappoint ppl around u, but one sentence to try to excuse yourself off.
i suppose by now,tt person would hav realized it wasnt wise to tell me tt sentence.
i admit tt i was veri emotional den when everything happened n when we spoke.
but even now,if u ask me again, i would still feel the same way n reacted the same way as i did.
it was hard to hav been able to come tt far.
but all ruined by us.
not jux them or her but us.
they did something they shouldnt hav.
i gave them up cos i dint agree wif wat they're doing.
n off goes the friendship.
i am a demanding friend.
looking at so many friendships tt i've given up or lost.i noe it too well myself.
not many can tolerate me,or my nonsense.
so not many can accept me for who i am.
but surprisingly i still managed to find a true friend n other good friends.
i dun tink it was a cool ting or veri xiao sa of me as others might hav saw it.
tt i gave up a friendship, which was rather hard to come by, all for my principles.
honestly, it wasn't.
if anyone saw how much tears i always shed for it, u would neva tink it's cool or wat.
but i guess my principles are too strong to be shaken sometimes.
given a choice now, i would still choose to hold on to my principles.
but i guess it also depends on who's the one involved.
like wat Bianca said, wat if the person was her.would i still handle it the same way as i was.
i guess the answer's veri obvious.
of cos i wouldnt.
so in a way,u can say i wasn't tt much of a great friend to them.
cos if they or rather 1 of them, meant so much to me, i wouldnt hav chosen to give up.
i dun mean any ill intentions or to hurt anyone by saying this.but jux a fact i guess.
i can't give my all to all my friends.
so things still went awry in the end.
wat more can i say.
im not cut out to be a great friend to many.
even when i thought i could be, things jux took a turn for the worst.
i feel as though i've got a thousand n one tribulations wif my friendships.
probably one of the reasons why i neva liked to be sociable.
cos im afraid i would end up the same way i did.
BacK By M3,
Joyce
Joyce at 8/19/2006 12:28:00 AM :: link
Friday, August 18, 2006
........................
pretty tired.
went to visit my bro this afternoon.den went for evening mass n dinner wif Bianca.
no special occasion.she initiated it somemore.surprise surprise!hahaha.
no.im not hinting at anything.jux a bit unusual i thought.
but it was good.
something different to do on a thursdae evening.
spending some time wif God after a whole dae,it realli was a good idea.
i tot it dint feel like a thursdae.
to be seeing her,going for evening mass together, having a simple dinner.
it feels jux like home.
n i tink i appreciate such moments most.
i like todae.
tired as i may be.
but in the midst of my tiredness, having spending some time wif those i wanna see most.
its all worthwhile even wif those add-on tiredness n effort.
but i guess somehow, the tiredness did not surface when i was wif them.
oh ya.n im realli happy to see her wear the watch i gave her for her bdae.hahaha.
satisfaction probably.hahaha.
though i dint picked it, im glad to see tt she likes it tt much to be wearing it so often.hahaha.=D.
i've gotta say this, she always makes me feel veri appreciated for all the gifts.
big or small,cheap or expensive.its realli wat i feel its the thought tt counts the most.
anw,todae i saw this realli nice Nike watch on a magazine.
but its too expensive.so i decided to jux forget it.hahaha.
soon,i will forget it.den i wouldnt hav to spend so much money.
den we can go spend it more wisely!!hahaha.like on our upcoming sentosa plan!hahaha.
in any ways,i dun realli like to pamper myself.but i do like to pamper others.
i enjoy seeing my loved ones happy.=).tts the biggest enjoyment to me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
by rite, i should be damn free n energetic n all.
but.no.
havent got back enough rest.
onli yest i felt more alive.
todae im back to feeling tired.
waking up at 10am.i like cannot make it.hahahaha.
tml i still gotta go down esplanade to return my bro's book.
shit.
n i dunnoe how to go there myself.
tts the best part.
ok,i jux re-confirmed my directions wif Yuting.
n its rite.hahaha.should be fine.
its been a long time since i went esplanade.
the last time was like err...last year?
went wif the band to watch some performance by an all girls n 1 guy band.
so i did a research on esplanade jux now.hahaha.
find which level the library is.hahha.cos i hate looking at directories at the place itself.
ok.time to go now.
bye.
BacK By M3,
Joyce
Joyce at 8/18/2006 12:36:00 AM :: link
Thursday, August 17, 2006
...................
i wrote a whole lot of negative tings.
but i decided not to post it.
i jux wanna say.
im realli blessed to hav u too.
more den words can ever express my gratitude to HIM for sending u,my angel.
the onli one who will understand me truly.
the onli one who can feel me.
the onli one who can accept me totally.
the onli one who will neva leave me,despise me, or judge me.
someone who brings tears of joy into my life.
someone who brings meaning in things i do.
someone im realli thankful for.
i realli am.
=).
BacK By M3,
Joyce
Joyce at 8/17/2006 12:17:00 AM :: link
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
..................
jux woke up.haha.
i wanted to visit my bro wif my mum.but my mum told me to sleep in.
pretty tired.
but i will visit him later if my mum or dad comes back later.
tts if they come back.if not,den tml i guess.
anw, yesterdae was "wat a dae!" man.haha.
but in a good n positive sense.
started my dae off early.
den in the late afternoon met up wif the bdae girl, Travis n Junsheng[1 of their classmates/clique].
we went Giraffe for a light meal.
before the food came,we went phototaking around the place.haha.
the place is nice.i like.
den we headed for a little seminar which Travis went,n for his completion of the 3 daes thing.
the speaker was funny.but tink i was quite tired towards the end tt i dozed off.
cos im having my mens.n i was hungry.like i said we onli had a light meal before tt.
so after tt,we went Lau Pa Sat for supper!
den Bianca,Travis n i took the same cab home.Junsheng took one by himself.
Travis was sleeping on the way back.haha.
bet he was super tired.
den Bianca n i jux talked our way back home.haha.
n we decided to go for the next stay-in retreat instead of going Bali.
nothing major or bad happened.jux tt we feel we need it.
to fill up our emptiness i suppose.
wondering hows my bro doing.
everyone's been asking me how is he.
but i feel tt i keep dunnoe anything.
am i very bad?
my bro is in the hospital yet i keep going out to hav fun myself.
like the chalet n yest.
sometimes i dun even noe wheres my right to get angry.
the other dae someone asked me how was he.i dint noe.n i got angry.
i wonder how others see me as his sister.
as if i dun care probably.
but wateva.
i dun hav to care abt tt rite?
i dun hav tt much energy either.
i dun need to seek anyone but my parents permission to stay over the chalet.
i dun need anyone to give me any unnecessary comments or ask me unnecessary questions.
whether its like wat my mum said, the person is jux concerned abt my bro, or not.
i dun tink he had to say wat he said either.
but i mean im not angry wif tt person anymore.
im not saying all these in an angry tone.but in a way i feel.
i do things the way i want n i noe wat im doing.
my mum knew tt i was going chalet on the dae my bro's admitting into hospital.
so she knew wat shes doing by letting me go too.
i feel i dun hav to express my concern in the way like,ppl would see me do it.
it would be so unreal.like doing it for the sake of others.
n tts so unlike me.
so i dun hav to n dun want to care.
i guess im jux upset at tt moment when those questions came.
tinking whether it was tt needed at tt point in time.
but oh well, its all over.
i bear no grudge against tt person.cos i feel tt hes genuinely concerned abt my bro even though he irritated me at tt moment wif those questions.hahaha.
but its ok.
fortunately he isnt someone i realli care wat the person tink abt me.
if he was, i tink it would be hard to forgive n forget.
tts how all major disputes accumulate n form.
todae's post is realli long eh?hahahaha.
but i still feel like talking somemore.
can i?
of cos i do.cos its my blog.muahahaha.
i tink im going crazy at home.
i jux wanna say.
i miss a lot of ppl.
like Bianca,her jie, n my bro.
actually not a lot la.jux more den usual.hahah.
yest,i was talking to Bianca in the cab.n she told me how her sis thought abt me.
n im glad to hear tt.haha.
n i mus say i realli enjoyed her jie's company throughout the chalet.
she's one fun person to be wif.
shes easy-going la.otherwise i oso dun dare to suan her.hahaha.
den she started suaning me oso.haahha.
ok.gonna go now.
bye.
BacK By M3,
Joyce
Joyce at 8/16/2006 01:13:00 PM :: link
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
.....................
WOOHOOOOO!!!
it's my prettiest,loveliest,cutest,funniest, bestest buddy on earth's bdae!!!
Happy Birthdae my dearest Niaima!
hmmmm...wat should i say?
errr.....
let's jux say wateva i wanna say,ok?hahaha.
i love u the most!!!
wat would i do wifout u?
ya,like wat u said i would go crazy like u would wifout me.hahaha.
tts why i can't do wifout u.
God made me alive not jux to live his word[which i tink i hav yet fully done so], but to live in this world wif u.
where we can hold each other,cry n lean on each others' shoulder, n not forgetting to share our happiest moments together.
the angel whom upon appearing neva left me.
this may be onli the second year im spending ur bdae together.
but i promise to celebrate your every year's birthdae wif u,if u dun mind.;).
soompah!
n this is specially for u.
The Birthday Song-Corrinne May
Don't worry about that extra line
That's creeping up upon your face
It's just a part of nature's way to say you've grown a little more
Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids shoes get a little tighter
Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be
Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true
So light a candle on your cake
For every smile you've helped create
For every heart and every soul you've helped to grow
A little more
A few more pounds, a little more grey
Don't count the years, just count the way
It takes a little time to go from water into wine
Don't ever lose the wonder of that child within your eyes
Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true
Happy Birthdae Niaima!
hope u will continue to live ur life wifout regrets!
muack!!
BacK By M3,
Joyce
Joyce at 8/15/2006 12:05:00 AM :: link
Monday, August 14, 2006
....................
woke up at 10am took some cough syrup,den went back to sleep until 2pm.
im kinda bored.
was intending to head down to town to get Bianca's card.
but my mens came.feeling damn tired.
so looks like i jux gotta get it tml before i meet her.
my mum went to visit my bro in the hospital.
anw, he's much better alr.
im all alone at home.
super bored.
tink i will head back to bed soon.
havent had enough rest.
jux looked thru all the photos in my ipod.
n i jux can't wait for the next trip!haha.
i wanna ride the scooter again!!
i miss the scooter.
i miss the sun.
n i miss u.
BacK By M3,
Joyce
Joyce at 8/14/2006 03:15:00 PM :: link
....................
had 3 daes of fun.
went for my dearest girl's birthdae chalet.since fridae.
fridae was a bit hectic.
had the last paper until 12pm,went for lunch wif Waiaung n Yuting.den went to get Niaima's present.which actually i like it a lot.haha.but it was chosen by Waiaung n Yuting.
[thanks guys!=D.]
den i rushed home,packed my bag,n it was down to the chalet alr.
so we did the decors,card etc.
the whole thing turned out fine,other den the super excess food we had.hahaha.
the crowd turned out fine.
n i finally met Amanda!haha.
Amanda's Bianca's the other best friend.
whom i've been wanting to meet n Bianca always wanted us to meet.
anw, the chalet seems to hav brought me closer to her family and friends like Amanda[or at least knew her a little better].
esp wif her family,it used to be im onli more familiar n onli chats wif her mum.
but now,its like more wif her jie already n dad[a little].
esp wif her jie.guess becos decorating the place n everything required us to communicate more.
Bianca seemed stunned when this morning when we checked out i called her sister jie oso.haha.
cos on sat nite,i was talking to her jie n so i asked her wat shud i actually be calling her.
cos actually throughout the 1st dae,i neva called her anything.all the time i jux went straight into my questions like,"err...should i jux do this..."
her jie's quite funny oso.
tink i crapped a lot to her oso.
but she seem to be able to take it.hahahaha.
n she kept suaning me too.hahahah.she realized my laughter veri loud n like hiccup or dunnoe wat.hahaha.
btw,all the bbq food tt i did,always had a mark on them=black.hahaha.
im not kidding!its always burnt.or uncooked.hahahahaa.
anw,on sat,the nite of invitation, i was so afraid Bianca was gonna get tricked by Jenny.
when she took the banana n stuck in the cake i jux knew someting's up her sleeve.
she tried to smash her face into it while she use her mouth to eat the banana.
luckily she was smart enough.hahaha.
cos i was afraid if she got smashed,she might get angry.
anw,while Bianca went around entertaining her guests, i was talking to Amanda.
so jux talked abt how long she met Bianca,n how.
cos she alr knew how Bianca n I met.
both of us seemed to hav known Bianca in a veri unusual manner.hahaha.
i guess tts fate rite?
im blessed wif her.realli.
jux like wat Amanda said abt wat her mum mentioned, sometimes having jux one true friend is much more satisfying in a way den wif a whole lot of friends.
going thru' all my ups n downs,her ups n downs together.
jux made me realize so much more tt i can't live wifout this angel.
i've neva regretted doing anything for u.=).
the reflection tt neva leaves you.
BacK By M3,
Joyce
Joyce at 8/14/2006 12:13:00 AM :: link
