|mpress|ons of An Express|on

Friday, September 29, 2006

.....................

Inside My Heart.
tts one of the song tt i like from the korean drama My Lovely Samsoon.

feeling quite a bit todae.

im not contented.
tts how i felt.
but den again,i dun tink im not contented.
i hav everything i want.
love from family n bestest frend.

so i thought.
maybe its the love in a relationship tt im missing.
come to tink of it,its been 3 years since i last dated.
how fast time flies.

but i dun tink its tt kinda love tt i want.
or so i tink.

so there i sat quietly wif my ipod.tinking n reflecting on wat i want.
the onli thing tt i can tink of why im feeling this way is,something i heard from the recent retreat.
the longing for Him.

its not like any other longings.
longing for friendships.
longing for a relationship.
which i thought tts all i ever sought for in life so far.

but it isnt.
cos these longings can never satisfy us completely.
the longing for Him is the onli thing tt can give us everything n anything we need.
tts wat i feel is missing now.

feeling rather spiritually low of late.
or rather,its been quite some time alr.
jux tt i wasnt tt aware or concerned abt it.

nothing exceptionally major happened.
jux tt now tt i've got some time to tink abt it,i jux thought abt it.
i guess it was realli obvious during the retreat.
tt my heart jux wasnt there wif Him.
be it thru reflection or adoration time, i jux cant remain in silence wif Him.
not even in songs,which im always able to when i want to.

feeling so much of ungratefulness.
Him giving me so much,but me on the other hand not giving any to Him.

havent been myself lately.
im so sorry.
tt all of u around me gotta put up wif me in this state.
esp to u, Niaima.
for having to see me go through all these.

i love u girl.
n i hope i learn to love u,God, more each dae.

my 950th post dedicated to none other den Him.

BacK By M3,
Joyce

Joyce at 9/29/2006 11:09:00 PM :: link

.................

ok.so im up in the middle of the nite again.

anw,i got my wish.unexpectedly.but still im happy.
cos at least i get to rest these few daes before skol attachment starts next week.
as usual,told my mum abt it n got her sarcasm.
but this time,i dint walk off pissed.
but calmly,n rmbring i shant tell her such things anymore.

tried to help Bianca wif her project n watched the Kim Samsoon vcd when i reached home.
n tts all i did todae.
n i jux realized something.Henry in the Samsoon sounds like this someone.hahahaha.

so wats been happening lately.
eh..i cant realli rmbr.
lots of bad things as u can see.
but of cos the good things come too,bt got too caught up in me to see.

like tt girl made me some tea plus lemon plus honey drink on wed.
cos i lost my voice.hahaha.
n the next dae[thurs] i got back some of my voice.
i thought it was so sweet of her.haha.

n it seems like on wed we were on the super same frequency level.hahaha.
i was tinking of not going to choir prac,n so did she.
cos we dint had to play since the amplify is playing.
n den she was tinking of going Millenia Walk n so did i.was tinking of going Marina Square all of a sudden.

i guess i onli see lots of love when i fall sick.haha.
cos on wed my mum woke up early to make me lots of honey water,my dad fetched me to work, n my beloved Niaima making me the drink.
im seeing lots of surprises aint i.
esp my dad.

in the car,he told me if i wasnt feeling ok jux tell my boss n den call him to pick me up.
n he actually msged me in the evening asking me if i was feeling ok,do i want him to fetch me from sfx[he dint noe i wasnt going then].
tts the onli reason why i would like to fall sick at times.hahaha.

but den again,its a blessing to be in good health.
n although action speaks louder den words at times, words are jux as overwhelming.
as long as its genuine n heartfelt.
im loving it.
n loving u.

hope everything goes more smoothly for u.
i'll be praying for u.

BacK By M3,
Joyce

Joyce at 9/29/2006 04:46:00 AM :: link

Thursday, September 28, 2006

.................

im tired.
but cant fall back to sleep since 2+ hrs ago.

suddenly feeling tt the growing process is so tough.
mentally,physically,emotionally.

one problem comes another.
n its tiring me out so much.tt i jux pray tt everything would be better tml.
when one thing gets better,some other thing goes wrong.
i jux dun understand why cant it stop.
why did He make the growing process so tough n unbearable at times.

nothing seems to go rite since the new semester started.
from skol,to work,to personal stuffs.
nothing went the way i want it.

sometimes i feel tt im the one who brought all these upon myself.
esp work problems like todae.
agreeing to something i dint want nor exactly agree to.
stupid.

i miss the daes.
hanging out so often wif my Niaima.
hanging out wif my good friends.
i miss koh samui.
i miss u.

i'll fight for my own rights.
ask for my own needs.
tts if i hav my voice tml.

wats right wats wrong,wats good wats bad for me.
i dunnoe.
so watever happens,happens.
so pls fire me.tts my biggest wish now.

sorry.
for making u go through all these wif me.

BacK By M3,
Joyce

Joyce at 9/28/2006 03:19:00 AM :: link

Sunday, September 24, 2006

........................

still feeling tired.
but no longer emotionally exhausted.
anw,i dint attend the 4th sat todae.came home early to rest todae.
wanted to go down again,but too tired to wake up.haha.

anw,i finally saw my beloved Niaima again.
it felt like such a long time since we last spoke to each other lest saw each other.
the daes spent wifout her was jux like spending a dae as though it was a year.

anw, all is well n fine again.=).
n im glad.
tt watever we jux went through dint break us up.
n we both learnt a great lesson.

HE works in his way,in his time.
i believe.
cos He jux did.

BacK By M3,
Joyce

Joyce at 9/24/2006 01:02:00 AM :: link