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hello.
had a pretty good dae until towards end of practice.

managed to spend almost the entire dae wif my dearest girl aft i dunnoe how many months.
we went to SIA club to swim or rather tan. pretty tanned nw although we werent there for veri long.prolly 2 hrs or so.
den it started to rain so we changed and sat at a cafe to eat n get some alcoholic drink.
so we ate,chat n by the time we finished n stood up i was feeling slpy.extremely.

Thank God we went back to Bianca's place to bath.so while she bathed i slept for a while first.haha.
den we had to do some stuffs before leaving the house n aft which we left for Raffles City to get donuts frm J. Co for my colleagues.n den we had Ben N' Jerry's for dinner.

i had so much fun jux catching up wif her n relieving all those moments when we used to hang out tan, drink, laugh n catch up.
n we gt to do tt all in 1 day!
im reali happy n satisfied wif the way i spent the dae todae.
n i tink theres no better way or fun-ner way to spend it.haha.
during practice when Syl asked if anyone cared to share their highs for the dae i was reali tempted to do so.but too timid to go speak into the mic.haha.

anw,the low for the dae had to be during prac downstairs when i felt so redundant n nothing beneficial for me personally.
sad but true.
n i reali wonder if its jux me being prejudice against past experiences tt we nv progress much when we r downstairs. i noe i've always gt a "silent" objection towards heading downstairs to music room to practice. i hate tt idea to the core for some reasons.
so i dunnoe if its reali jux me or smth needs to be done.

im nt taking in things by the stride nowadays,honestly.
i jux can't let tings jux be n it frustrates me so much tt i dunnoe wat i wanna do or can do abt it.
i blew my top jux playing 1 song todae.furthermore,it was jux playing the song once.
n i alr cudnt take it.

im clueless abt my own directions in the group.
im classified under multi-task as a guitarist cum drummer.
but im not getting any input nor chance to grow as a drummer n im having thoughts of giving it up alr.
having the interest n expressing it somehow seems useless to me.
theres jux no opportunity for me.
n it tires me out.constantly trying to tink of wat i shud do to make tt opportunity come to me or even let me grab it.

n i feel this is the root cause of all my other frustrations now.

i dun deny the fact tt i get envious n jealous when others learn something each time they come for practice.by right,if im having the right mentality towards the growth of the group, i shud be happy.but im not becos im constantly overwhelmed by my own feelings n unhappiness.
does anyone get wat the heck im trying to say?

everyone has a role to play.
well,i do too.
as a do wat ppl want me to do, strum n start when u want me to n stop when everyone stops.
some get input, others give the output.
me? neither.

he said im always too hard on myself.
but i dun see the change in me.jux look at wat i jux typed.
how much better hav i changed in controlling my temper.
360 degrees probably.back to the square one.

ok.
im tired.
i wanna slp.
bye.



BacK By M3,
Joyce

Joyce at 7/16/2008 11:49:00 PM :: link

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